A problem shared
I’m from a generation who were bought up listening to adults who when they talked, had lots of quaint little anecdotes and odd sayings, OK things don’t change that much and, the current trend is to wave your hands around and go “6,7” but nobody knows what that means, where it came from, why and when should it be used, its just the numbers 6,7 almost for the hell of it ( and that’s an expression that dates back to 1887 if you didn’t know, and if you did know; I’ve one question, why?).
My mum was a great fan of dropping idioms into everyday conversation, and she used to wheel them out all the time; from “If you can’t say something nice then say nothing at all” to “Least said soonest mended” and her usual “Wait till your father gets home”, and from those you can get an idea of what type of child I was!
But there was another one that she was fond of using and it always struck a chord and its pretty much accurate, and it goes: “A problem shared is a problem solved” which is, very true and what wise words they are.
So, in the pest world, what problem do you think can’t readily be shared? Would it be rats? Not really, there’s plenty of them about and they’re quite a common pest, what about fleas? Yeah, you’re getting there or warm as my mum would say if we were playing the hotter / colder game, but what about bed bugs? Yep, pretty much you become an instant social leper when you discover that you’ve got bed bugs, after all, how do you bring that up in the office when you’re all gathered around the coffee machine reliving last night’s telly? “You’ll never guess what me and Brian have got?”
Bed bugs hiding in a socket
Half under and half out of the seam
Down the side of the mattress
Talking about bed bugs is pretty much a social taboo; you don’t want to discuss you’re intimate details and certainly, no-one seems to want to listen about it, for me as someone who is usually elbows deep in one type of pest or another, it’s the one people don’t want to talk about, or much to my disappointment, look at the pictures on my phone. Which I find very strange.
Seriously I do find it strange, in my head I’d want to know everything about them, what they look like, what the bites feel like, what size are they, and how do you sleep at night. It would be an interrogation that would make the Spanish Inquisition blush because, (before I became a pestie that is) the thought of it would have terrified me.
And therein lies the rub, as Shakespear wouldn’t have said (he actually said there’s the rub, but we modernised it or if you want, bard-stised it), many people unfortunately, often feel shame about having bed bugs and can’t talk about it even with friends and family. So, the problem gets left, DIY treatments are tried and subsequently fail, and the ongoing misery locks itself into a downward spiral of doom and despair, that only the Labour Party would easily recognise.
I was talking with a customer a couple of weeks ago and the poor guy was so stressed about the problem, the first stage is always and always, denial, the bites are put down to a rash or mosquitos, a midnight scroll through Facebook or Google highlights remedies such as using lavender oil, or touching your nipples and spinning around three times or some other such nonsense.
This creates a delay before calling the professionals and allows time for the bed bug population to grow; so, the problem is getting worse despite your best efforts and now there’s a sense of shame creeping in, and when you think about emotions, shame is similar to guilt in how you feel. Think back to your own life, we’ve all done things we are ashamed of, and at some time we’ve all felt guilty, it’s exactly the same feeling and easily confused.
To be or not to be a bed bug
And back to that good old rub again, forsooth to be or not to be a bed bug that is the question! But seriously you’ve got a problem which is causing you a great deal of stress, you’ve got mixed emotions about how you feel and you haven’t off loaded any of this, in fact, what you have done is to brush it under the metaphorical carpet of life.
Eventually you reach the point where you admit defeat (more often than not, a man’s point of view) or, accept that you need professional help (that’ll be the woman’s point of view or as I often get to hear, “I told you at the beginning to get proper help you prat” and that’ll be my wife’s point of view). Prat by the way comes from the olde English word praett which means to trick or prank and often used by wife in a loving and heartfelt manner, I think.
My first interaction with a bed bug enquiry often goes along the lines:
“We need your help; we’ve got a problem with bed bugs”
“How long has it been going on for?”
“Oh, probably a couple of weeks”
A group of bed bugs
Always in holes!
The headboard supports
It’s very common for people to downplay the extent of the problem, this could actually be a pest control idiom on its very own, but why is it important to understand the depth of the problem? To successfully manage the customers’ expectations as to how the treatment is going to proceed after I leave the property, that’s why. Because when it comes to bed bugs, we’re not given Harry Potter like powers and no pest control company can shazam the problem away, and this is why.
Bed bugs are elusive insects, they like to squeeze themselves into the tiniest of cracks and crevices in which to wait out the period between meals, in this hiding space, they’re getting themselves ready for their next meal and given their appetites, that’s every two to three days. These cracks and crevices will gradually fill up meaning the insects have to move a little further out, searching for their new des res (that’s 1980’s slang for a desirable residence).
This will typically be across the headboard of the bed because the easiest way of knowing when dinners ready is by the elevated levels of CO2 in the room from you as you try to sleep. Bed bugs can also pick up our different pheromones and the clever people in white coats have identified that they are especially drawn to piles of dirty laundry; like the ones bundled up in your suitcase tucked under the bed when you’re in Benidorm!
Bed bug development
(or as Shakespear might have said: eaten out of house and home)
What a horrible thought that is, being eaten yuk, bed bugs grow and breed much quicker the warmer it is and to some degree the more humid it is and where better than in our nice warm, slightly sweaty beds. Bed bug eggs will hatch out in under 10 days and once hatched these little darlings don’t get breast fed by mummy, they immediately want blood, and it’s your blood that they want. This may amaze you; baby cockroaches eat the faeces of the adult ones; I just thought I’d throw that out there.
Three weeks after hatching out, our baby bed bugs are now sexually mature adults and they will do what sexually mature adults do, and that’s breed, its quite slow at first because the females only lay around five eggs a day, but when you take into account the delay in getting pest control involved, by the time we get there it may have become a serious infestation.
When the population reaches that critical point whereby they start leaving the bed in search of lodgings, that’s when you will have a great deal of difficulty in getting it under control and usually, it’ll take two or maybe three treatments to get rid of your guests. And this is exactly why it’s important to share the problem, you’d actually be surprised at how common these are, I have worked at million pound mansions where there’s been bed bugs and then right down to a small Council house. Bed bugs do not discriminate on gender, wealth status, shoe size or sexuality and they often cause the same amount of fear and stress wherever they happen to pop up.
Along a seam again
Eggs stuck to a suitcase
Bed bugs on curtains
These insects have evolved to live off us, it’s thought that they originated as bat bugs and when our slightly hairy ancestors started using caves, the bugs crept down from the overhanging bats and attached themselves to us. As we lost our hair, they lost theirs and quickly became talented hitchhikers, traveling around the world first class, or in my case, strictly economy. They will hitchhike their way home with you from an overseas holiday, easily attaching to the outside or, inside of a suitcase or, down to an infestation inside a taxi (yep, done that one in Reading a couple of years ago) so despite how anxious you feel, reach out to someone you can trust and open up to them, because a large part of this problem is how you feel and how it effects your mental health. Lets face it, climbing the apples and pears to bed when you know that waiting, lurking in the darkness is a veritable army of bloodsucking insects, isn’t conducive to a good night’s sleep.
Finally, sleep tight, hope the bed bugs don’t bite – you knew that was coming.
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